The Measurements Taken

Hello Designers!

Welcome to East Berlin. There are now just seven of you – I want to congratulate all of you on making it this far. Lenin said “the Party can take the lead only by being always absolutely pure itself.” I encourage you to think of the other designers who have fallen on the wayside these past few weeks…Ok? Ok. Now forget them. Forget them forever. Forget whom? Exactly, designers. Exactly.

This week’s challenge takes us straight to the heart of the industrial immiseration of the proletariat. For the first part, you must negotiate the length of the working day such that you maintain an acceptable rate of exploitation (remembering R = ^S/_V) while ensuring the upkeep of a qualitative use-value with regards to your fashion commodity. The piece must be both work-ready and at the same representative of the Party’s values. You will have the entire length of the working day minus the fixed amount of the value of labor as calculated by the Factory Act of your choosing. I encourage you to take inspiration from the various GDR Denkmäler and Ostalgie-laden tourist shops that remain the sole testament of a once ideologically pure communist paradise.

This week’s judges include Antonio Negri, Slavoj Zizek, Lupe Fiasco, and a special guest appearance from Sputnik, Menswear icon-cum-Australian Cattle Dog. Remember that up to three of you can be sent away this week to Corrective Labour. Alright designers? Let’s get sketching!

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I just feel like Patrizia is a bit lacking in class consciousness. She is falling into humanist revisionism and that’s a tricky place to be in with regards to the Nomenklatura.

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Simona, I’m going to be honest here, those bright red contrast pockets? I know you think it screams Godard, but to me it just screams ACHTUNG. Hold off, comrade.

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I am really going for that Stasi feel with this leather jacket. It’s a bit risky, I know everybody is expecting me to stay in my usually comfort zone, but I am going to show I am not just all about Mao Suits and the cultural revolution. I’m going all out.

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I don't care if they hate my pockets. I am doing this. It's my voice that counts in the end, I'm the designer here.

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Diego is an excellent organizer of labour, but if he doesn’t recognize the difference between superstructural labour relations and true class conflict it’s going to hold him back.

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I’ve always been a fan of Brecht, so this piece is kind of an homage to Mother Courage. It’s a formal gown made out of this wonderful grey rag I found in the dumpster – you can dress it up, you can dress it down. Just hope this v-neck isn’t too revealing on the model.

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Diego, I love the overalls, I love the wrench, but it still feels a bit “1930s gulag”. In other words it feels safe. I was expecting more from you and I think you really need to push yourself and find the voice of the people in the next challenge.

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Simona, those contrast pockets? What were you thinking? My god! This is something I wouldn’t even send someone out in at the 2^nd International. The fit is wrong, the colours are wrong, and so on and so on. The whole thing is just so far from Socialist Realism. It’s just, just –

It’s formalist.

Exactly, that’s what I was going to say. Formalism at its most decadent.

Simona, as Lenin said, "intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but quickly to see how to make them good". We tried to help you with the pockets but you just would not listen. I know you want to showcase you as a designer, but you have to remember that an individual designer has 1 style, the Party has 1ooo styles. An individual designer leaps on trends, but the party dictates the lives of the trendsetters. Your piece is made for this evening and seems dated after the gala; the party's piece is designed for tomorrow, and remains timeless. 

Simona sweetheart, the Party has spoken. It is not granted to us not to send failures home. I’m afraid we’re going to have to say goodbye to you…Well, not goodbye. More like, “you never existed”. Yes. Simona, I feel you have a lot of potential, and a lot of growth to do, and hopefully Corrective Labour will allow you to flourish. We love you Simona, and we all wish you a hearty "you never existed".

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Party Official 1: What? Simona totally didn't deserve that! They ganged up on her. She just had an off-week. She was totally the most stylish designer they had.

Party Official 2: Pffft. If she really was that stylish, she deserved all the more to be sent home.