The Decline and Fall of the Bro-man Empire

If you walk far enough from the campus of the University of Rideau, or old "U Read?" as the boys call it, you come to the famed and blamed Fraternity Quarter.These residential outskirts (also known locally as upskirts) house some of the most distinguished Fraternal Societies in the University's History. Gamma Rho Alpha, otherwise known as "Grabba Grabba Grabba", was founded by Sir John A. MacDonald himself. They laid the foundation stone on the very spot he vomited over after a long night of political rumination (accent on the rum). 

Yet this once flourishing house of debauchery and ill-repute has risen steeply into a deep incline. The house famous for the Igor Gouzinsky panty raid of 1945, widely considered responsible for the start of the Cold War, has become a denizen of studious nerds and community-minded do-gooders. "They just sit there all day and study," says Lockjaw Browridge, one of the remaining Alpha rated members. "I never seen one of 'em do even a keg-stand. At best they can beat Mario 3 upside down." 

The Old Guard members, having tried everything from A to A.5 are at their wits end. Speculation as to the cause of the decline is varied. "They're not dorks when they pledge" says Lockjaw, "but somehow, over the weeks, the X-Box and the textbooks crowd out the bongs and porn. It's simply a decline in social mores. Economic conditions and the expense of partying happen to be powerful detergents." Sic. And sick.

 Presently an initiative is underway to re-invigorate the flagging members, starting with a daily regimen of Jager-bombs and viagra sprinkled chicken wings. This will be followed by a walk through the sorority quarter (known locally as the sorority buck-and-a-quarter quarter). "If nothing comes of it, I'm afraid this may be the end." 

Ou sont les high-fivers d'antan? This reporter wonders if the halls of Grabba Grabba will ever ring out with drunken hollers summa cum laude again.