The Dating Profile of a Fedora

My self-summary: 

First things first: I "hat" filling these things out. Haha.

So basically I am an ambitious and caring "chap"(eau) who is looking for that special cranium. I haven't had a lot of success with eBay or Etsy so I'm giving this site a shot. A few things you should know about me:

1) I am not into "drama". I want someone who is more inclined to film noir or vaudeville.

2) I'm sick of girls who like snap-backs and Obey caps and all that beanie garbage. I am into classy girls only so if you've ever even tried those other ones on once I'm not interested.

3) Nobody fake please. I am into real people, I've dealt with enough mannikins in my day.

What I'm doing with my life:

I currently work in "dust management "on the top shelf of a trendy vintage clothing store. I am not some trashy pin-stripe rapist hat you find off the rack at Le Chateau - I'm the real, Italian-made deal. I once belonged to Bumbles Baconbit, an old time Jazz tubist. He got shot by shark (or a piranha? It was some carnivorous fish) who picked me up, and gave me to his number one prize fighter Marvin "The Big Thumb" Moscovitch. Marvin took up Buddhism in his old age and renounced all of his world possessions to the Goodwill. That's when I started drifting through Sally Annes, the Value Villages, the pawns...

I've seen a lot...

I'm really good at:

Making awkward, conscientious males into Casanova sex gods, by myself, without the need for a new wardrobe, exercise, or deodorant.

Favourite books, movies, shows, music and food:

My favourite book is Dashiell Hammet's The Maltese Falcon. I'm also big into Chuck Palahniuk, Machiavelli and Ayn Rand.

As for movies, I like so many but a few of my favourites are Vertigo, The Sting, and all Indiana Jones's (except that last one).

For music, I generally prefer sicilian folk tunes, death metal, and big band swing jazz but I have been known to listen to Pac and Biggie on occasion.

The six things I could never do without:

Leather trench-coats
Metallic blue vests
Male puberty
Running shoes
Metallic blue ties
Jezebel

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

JFK's hat-less electoral campaign and its disastrous effects on headware.

On a typical Friday night I am:

Out with Moxy Joe and Big Phillip at the speak easy downin' moonshine and gettin' ossified, ya dig?

The most private thing I am willing to admit:

I'm not racist but sometimes I think snap-backs are a little bit "simple".

I am looking for:

Girls that love class
Ages 18-87
Near "The Big Apple"
For new friends, long-term dating, short term sweating, flaneurs, drive-bys, break-dancing, and pool sharks

Message me if:

You aren't just looking for something to pull raffle tickets from or to put on your French bulldog.