Bitch Don't Kill My Vibrant Academic Atmopshere

It seems that students at Ottawa's Raven University are up in arms again, this time against Rap all-star Rick Ro$ado. The controversy is focused on some lines in his upcoming lecture entitled "HNIC" (an unidentified acronym). Professor Ro$ado apparently quotes a rapacious verse, here transliterated for the common reader into normalized English:

"Putting various potables into her beverage, of which she is none the wiser. I then proceeded to enjoy her in flagrante delicto, with her none the wiser, ho ho."

But Raven students are having none of it. A petition has gone up to keep the controversial academic from giving his sold-out lecture on campus.

"We can't stand by and let this sort of sexist smut be promulgated on a University campus" says Christine McSneeze, a 3rd year student writing her thesis on her two favourite works, Ovid's Metamorphoses and the Marquis de Sade's Justine.

"It's outrageous the things he says about women. Guns, violence, rape...Who says we can talk about these things just like that? The money and time spent on this show could be used for something beautiful, like a production of Titus Andronicus, or a bust of my favourite philosopher, Friedrich NietzCHA."

 Ranked by MacLeod's Magazine as "Canada's Most Outraged University", Raven has a long history of protest. This sense of left-wing working class resistance stretches back to its earliest days as "Raven College", founded in 1942 as a training school for canine veterans of the second world war. Since then, the school's bark has been consistently and progressively growing in relation to its bite. In the last decade, students from Raven have led campaigns against:

-Abortions on Campus
-Anti-Abortions on Campus
-Israeli Abortions on and off Campus
-Cystic Fibrosis or "The White Man's Disease"
-Gaybortionism on Campus
-Student Fees
-Cystic Feebortionism
-Anti-Student Association Non-Fees
-The Collected Works of Catullus, Chaucer, Shakespeare, and other major rapists of the canon

Yet it seems like all the public scrutiny has mollified the heart of Ro$ado, gentle giant, to the fairer sex. Upon learning that his music would be pulled from ethically conscious radio stations across North America, Ro$edes spoke a sincere speech later forwarded as an email attachment to the world (again, sanitized into standard English):

"Who doubts my appreciation for the fairer sex? There was misapprehension in your interpretations. I would never utter the phrase "non-consensual" in my work. The community will not abide it. Hip hop will not abide it. I just want to address all the females on my social networking platforms... I brook it not!"